Barack Obama Region (National Jerks)
1. Robert Mueller – Not sure how he found his way to a #1 seed when he can’t find any collusion
2. Hillary Clinton – Faced with irrelevancy, she persisted
3. Steve Bannon – A hobo who fancies himself to be political power player
4. President Donald Trump – Who knew having a Twitter account could make people lose their minds?
5. Nancy Pelosi – If her face was any tighter you could use it as a drum
6. James Comey – Needs a job
7. Chuck Schumer – The drollest…
8. Adam Schiff – Will interview for food. Also has crazy eyes.
9. Devin Nunes – If declassifying a memo makes you a jerk…
10. Al Franken – Proof they’ll let ANYONE run for Senate
11. Jeff Sessions – He’s just doing his job
12. Paul Ryan – The Speaker of the House of Cards
13. Jeff Flake – The second-most irrelevant Arizona Senator
14. Mitch McConnell – Yertle the Turtle personified
15. Bill Clinton – Went Vegan and Vagan while Hillary is away
16. Christopher Wray – Missed the mark on mass shootings
Joey Kennedy Region (Media Jerks)
1. Matt Lauer – Proved 50 Shades of Gray fantasies are not as fun in real life
2. David Hogg – Do we not have truant officers anymore?
3. Chris Cuomo – Part of the other Democratic Dynasty Family
4. ANTIFA – Group that uses Fascist tactics to shut down “real Fascists”
5. Don Lemon – Make sure you always go to the Lemon Party after his show
6. Joy Behar – The View from her perch is declining
7. Megyn Kelly – She makes you bleed from wherever
8. Kyle Whitmire – A Ginger with attitude and a laptop
9. John Archibald – Alabama’s attempt at Atticus Finch
10. Shepard Smith – Is totally a human news person
11. Chris Matthews – Does a great Darrell Hammond impression
12. Anderson Cooper – America’s Silver Fox
13. NRA – Helps to protect Americans’ right to bear tools of death
14. Gloria Allred – The only person who preys on sexual assault victims more than their attackers
15. Sarah Huckabee Sanders – Tirelessly spinning the words of tweets
16. Kellyanne Conway – Spinning the hits of the past two years. Has a case of Trump Mouth
Robert Bentley Region (State & Local Jerks)
1. Roy Moore – Can currently be found begging for money outside the Gadsden Mall
2. Doug Jones – Started the “blue wave” by almost losing to an alleged pedophile
3. Luther Strange – The dirty truck commercial…’nuff said
4. Nick Saban – Arguably the greatest football coach of all-time
5. William Bell – Much like the Confederate monument in Linn Park during his tenure, he’s disappeared
6. Kayla Moore – Knows plenty of minorities that work for her
7. Jim Ziegler – Ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound bag
8. Nick the Liberal – Needs a job
9. Libertee Belle – Needs a better phone
10. Charles Barkley – He’s Just Turrible
11. Leigh Corfman – She was a hot teenager
12. Mayor Randall Woodfin – All he did to get on this list was get Birmingham a new stadium…
13. Gus Malzahn – Not even close to the greatest football coach of all-time
14. Governor Kay Ivey – The People’s Princess and Voted Top 5 Governors to Party with…
15. Richard Shelby – Senior Senior Citizen Senator from Alabama
16. Juice’s apartment thieves – Luck is when preparation meets opportunity
Harvey Weinstein Region (Sports & Entertainment Jerks)
1. Harvey Weinstein – Single-handedly started the #MeToo movement
2. Kevin Spacey – Doesn’t coming out as gay shield you from being a jerk?
3. Colin Kaepernick – Oh, say can you see…that protesting during the National Anthem is a bad idea?
4. Michael Moore – You’d know why he was on here if you’d seen his one-man show
5. Jemele Hill – Confused on whether or not she works for ESPN or CNN
6. Lindsey Vonn – After dating Tiger Woods, her career went like all of her events…downhill
7. Alec Baldwin – Overrated. Not Funny. Needs to move on from SNL.
8. LeBron James – He stopped dribbling
9. Kathy Griffin – So funny she made the President lose his head
10. Oprah Winfrey – Your future 2020 Democratic Presidential Nominee
11. Adam Rippon – Focused more on making a political statement than winning gold
12. LaVar Ball – If at first your career doesn’t succeed, just live through your kids.
13. Michael Bennett – Makes white people uncomfortable
14. Bill Cosby – Don’t sip from a drink he offers or else you’ll taste his pudding pop
15. Ryan Seacrest – Who knew he liked women enough to harass them?
16. Jennifer Lawrence – hot and bothered by Trump. Will fix Democracy with her hotness.
